Load More Comments. Close this dialog window Add a comment. Add your comment Cancel Submit. Close this dialog window Review for. Back to story Comment on this project. Tell us what you think Thanks for adding your feedback. All rights reserved. People can change their minds without changing who they are. Nothing will change for you.
And he feels so shut down that all he can say to you is You need to get over this. But what if instead you got curious about how he feels so that he, in turn, can be more open to how you feel? Maybe he feels that he'll miss out on spending more time with you just as the kids are becoming more independent. Why have you always wanted three children? Is there something from your childhood—a sense of loneliness, of not having a tribe—that informs the intensity of your feelings?
Doing so will create a deeper level of understanding and compassion for what the other person is experiencing and add much more nuance to the conversation. Make sure you both include the joy of the day in great detail. This experience will move you past the false binary of your preferred situation as being all good and the other situation as being all bad and help you both consider each scenario with more emotional flexibility. Neither of you will know what it would have been like if the other path were taken.
Is their health good? Are they reaching their parenting limit? Their stress limit? Are they able to do self-care? Remember that it is just as important that your other half wants another. While they might not be the one who is pregnant, adding another baby to the family will increase parenting demands on both parents. Getting divorced because of kids is a very real thing. Having more babies changes how much time and energy you have for your other half. It is so hard to find time to go out to dinner.
Honestly, I even find it hard to catch up with each other at dinner or have a conversation that lasts more than a few minutes in the evening. Now depending on your unique situation, this might not be the case for you. The best way to know if you should have another is to know why you want another baby. Here are not so great reasons to have another:.
There is nothing more precious than welcoming a baby into this world. Nothing sweeter than holding your newborn. Therefore, you will be sad when it is your last baby. It does not mean you need to have another baby. Once you start having kids, everyone in your life seems to also do the same thing. All of your friends are people who also have little ones and therefore are also trying to complete their family. After everyone has their second, some will go on to have more.
You might feel like you are missing out, or if they made that decision, then it is obviously a good one. Some people try until they have one of each. This did not matter to us at all. We only have girls. Before we had our second, we talked about gender.
And we both realized that after having our first, we just wanted a healthy baby. We knew we would be happy if the second was a girl or a boy. I also think there are a lot of advantages to having the same gender and very few focus on that. The idea behind this is that if God forbid one of your children dies, then your other child will still have a sibling. Each relationship is unique. How much help will that do if they are the only two left?
Not a fun topic at all but a very important exercise to do. Hopefully you, your other half and your kids are all healthy but what if something tragic happens? How will having one more baby change the result? Here are three possible situations that could happen. Can you handle the number of kids you want by yourself? Personally, I would be able to handle my two kids but three would be pushing it on my own.
I know for sure my husband would not be okay with three kids on his own. If our children lose both of us, then I really want them to be able to stay together. This means I need to have a family member who would take in all of them. I know I have a couple of options right now, but I am not sure if any could handle taking in all of my kids if I decided to have more.
Do I believe they can still parent well? Having a sick child can take a big toll on a family. Your other kids will be affected by this. Your other half will have to pick up the slack. Each family has their own lifestyle. What type of lifestyle do you want to have? Does the number of kids match the lifestyle you want and the budget you have? For me, I want to be always able to spend individualized time with each child. I want them to spend time with me and their dad one on one. It was more about just generally feeling like the time was right.
We always wanted our kids to be close together in age, and two years apart was perfect for us. I felt certain that I wanted her to have that close bond with the type of friend I never knew—a brother or sister. My daughter was out of diapers and potty trained so I only had to deal with one in diapers!
I always wanted siblings to be three years apart. That is what my sister and I were, and I thought it was a great age difference. So once my now-older daughter turned 2, we knew we were going to start trying in a few months. We also knew that the terrible twos were going to be tough. So once we got through that stage, we knew it would be OK to add another baby to the mix.
And we knew that our older one would be at an age where she could appreciate her sibling and engage with her at a level she couldn't have done before. I wanted to give my daughter a sibling to support her for that time in her life.
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